Frustration

Author's note: This piece embodies frustration in a number of ways. I started working on it a couple of weeks ago, when it was the topic for our prompt group. I started off strong, and then faded, and didn't know what to do with it. But something that came up for me as I was writing it was the idea that frustration is linked to expectations of outcomes, so I decided to get rid of any expectations and get this ready to publish as it was. Because it embodies frustration so well, enjoy the writing I did in the moment and watch it break down into the random thoughts that came to my head during my dedicated writing time.

Frustration.

This week’s prompt.

At first, was wondering if I could write about it today, because I’m feeling anything but frustrated.

But then I realized that I’ve felt incredibly frustrated very recently, and was only just able to shake it off.

One of the things that helped me get rid of it: I realized that all of my frustration was related to one thing: my expectations of what should be.

Once I was able to let go of those expectations, my frustrations just drifted away.

I’ve noticed that expectations tend to build up inside me. Some are internal expectations and some are ones I’ve picked up from outside sources.

Those expectations hook into each other, making it harder and harder to let them go. The weight of those expectations builds up over time, leaving me carrying that weight everywhere.

Is it possible to do anything without any expectations? On some level, I think not, because there’s always a desired outcome, a desired future. Not every action has to be aligned with that future, but there are things we hold on to as values. Those values lead us to make the choices that we believe will result in the best possible future.

In a world of infinite choices, we put most of the choices we make on autopilot. That’s why a lot of people recommend living with “intention”. What is intention, but high level expectations?

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

Everything we do is about setting our expectations. So perhaps frustration is a sign that we are doing things the right way?

“The answer is to surrender”

Another of life’s beautiful paradoxes, I suppose. You need to plan your life, live intentionally, create the future you want to live.

But you also have to surrender to the universe.

Perhaps it comes down to short-term vs long-term thinking. In the long-term, you need to think about what you want out of life and make plans to achieve it. But in the short-term, you need to control what you can and surrender to the things you can’t control.

How do you know the difference?

The internet gives us the feeling that we can control everything, track everything, measure everything. A/B test the world!

“According to the data, …”

Now I’m feeling frustrated. I’ve written myself into a corner. This post was supposed to go a certain way and it has veered off course. I’m not sure where to go from here.

I’m feeling frustrated, but if there are 10 people in a cohort for analysis, and I’m the only one frustrated, then on average, there’s no frustration.

Data loses details. People are made of details. Data loses people.

“The map is not the territory”

What if this post doesn’t get completed? What then? I expected to have a blog post ready to publish, because I don’t go back to edit. I write, then I post. Or I write, then I shelve. How do I break that habit?

There are those expectations again. Can’t get away from them.

What do I expect when I post something online? I expect to be viewed positively. Always have to do it for the sake of being observed. I expect people to read it. I expect people to care. I expect…

We don’t know how lucky we are, but we also don’t know how unlucky we are.

The variance of luck has gone up, I think. You can get extremely lucky.

Or, you can get extremely unlucky.

What is luck, but an evaluation of our expectations vs reality? “I got lucky” - I had low expectations, but a positive outcome.

“I got unlucky” - I had high expectations and the world didn’t meet them.

“Skill Issue”

“You can’t A/B test a river”.

“You wouldn’t A/B Test a River”

What if we tried to stop being so serious all the time? What if I stopped being so serious all the time?

“Be dumb and smart”

“Don’t apologize”

“Force of will”

What if you surrendered to your own mind?

“Write drunk, edit sober”